Let's Talk About "The Friend Zone"

Hello lovely readers, I hope you are all well and had a great weekend. Today I’m going to be talking about “The Friend Zone”. Yep, I hated typing those words just as much as I hate hearing them.

First I guess I better explain what “The Friend Zone” is, The Friend Zone is where men believe they are put when a woman they like only returns their feelings as far as friendship. I am sure that it’s not just men who complain about this and no, this is not a post about how men are all pigs (I hate it when people say that). It’s just so far the only people who I have heard or read complain about the friend zone are men.

What I hate about the Friend Zone is that it is often implied that the woman putting the man there is a cold hearted callous person who likes to play with people’s feelings. Many of the men who I hear complaining about the friend zone act as if they have the god given right to sleep with a woman just because he is pleasant to her, which sort of makes his pleasant behaviour null and void, doesn’t it? Some of the things I have heard or read men say about women who have out them in the friend zone is absolutely appalling.

My first example is after watching First Dates, for those not in the know First Dates is a show on TV where people go, surprise, surprise, on First Dates and are filmed doing so. While watching the latest episode I was also in Twitter reading what people were saying about the episode. During the episode a young man (who happens to be the ex of my best friend) went on a date with a young woman who at the end of the date gave him her number and said that they should “be friends”. Perfectly acceptable, right?

Not according to a number of men on Twitter I can’t tell you how many tweets I read through calling the woman a “w**re” and a “b**ch” and how the guy had been “friend-zoned”. These men on Twitter seemed to believe that because he had been polite to this girl that she should go out with him and he had the right to sleep with her.

I also have experienced a similar situation; at university I was friends with a guy who I had met through friends, I made it perfectly clear that we were just friends and although I knew he liked me as more than that I never gave him the indication that our relationship was ever more than just friendship. I was accused a number of putting him in the friend zone and that I should just go out with him.   

On a drunk night out he told me his feelings and I politely told him what I thought was clear, that we were just friends. This was around the time I was getting into a relationship with Dan. My friend consequently deleted me off Facebook and Twitter and never spoke to me again. Making it clear that our friendship meant nothing to him and that the only thing he wanted was to sleep with me. 

It makes me sad how the friend zone makes men feel that having a friendship with a woman must turn into a relationship otherwise the man is being ridiculed. I can’t imagine how many friendships between men and women have been ruined by this ridiculous concept of the friend zone.

To those men who complain about being put in this non-existent “friend zone” I say that if the only reason you are being kind and polite to a woman is because you want to enter a relationship with her or sleep with her then wonder why you don’t seem to have much luck with women. I think you need to sit down and have a long hard think. I’m sure the very obvious epiphany will come to you eventually.

It goes without saying that not all men feel the same way, I have had a number of men as friends who my relationship was never more than friendship and both of us were more than happy with that. Whenever the friend zone is mentioned Dan will always roll his eyes and claim “it’s just pathetic boys complaining because they can’t get the concept that a woman doesn’t have to sleep with a man because he is treats her nicely into their heads”. This comes from a man who was friends with the woman who he liked for nearly as year before they got into a relationship, yeah that is me.

Sorry that this post is a bit of a rant it just makes me sad that some men can’t seem to understand that the person they have feelings for may not feel the same way. Boo hoo, it’s only me, you and everyone else on the planet who that has happened to.

I hope you enjoyed this post, what do you think about the “friend zone”?

Thank you for reading! 

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  1. Ella, Amen! Seriously, what a great post! I love that you are telling it like it is! It's neither cold, nor callous! I hate to say it but I believe most men enter into a "relationship" with a woman with the intent that at some point they will bag them (terrible terms, but so true!) I don't know any man personally that has ever become my friend because they enjoy my intellect, my thoughts on the world or any other reason two people become friends! Sad to say, but true. Loved this! XO -Kim

    1. Thank you Kim I'm glad you enjoyed it. I know what you mean, it's sad a lot of men can't see a woman as anything other than someone to sleep with, sad but true! Hope you are well my gorgeous friend!

      Ella xx